Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
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my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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