New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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