make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
