That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
