Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
