Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
