can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sober January is a disaster.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
