Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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