Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
