Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Still dying that you shit outside
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
