she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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