we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
