i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
