Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
