So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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