whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
