Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
