Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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