Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
