Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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