This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
