porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
