Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
