I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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