guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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