it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
