so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i now understand why vodka
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
