i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
