I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
