you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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