I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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