I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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