She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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