how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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