First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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