real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
