Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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