i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
