All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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