So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
