On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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