I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
