You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
