So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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