guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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