I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize