hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
