If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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