I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
