There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
