bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
