I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
