I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
