we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
