Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
