drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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