i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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