Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
