Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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