i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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