I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize