last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Shame - the story of my life.
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