My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
