Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
