we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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