Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
