Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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