We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
