What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
