I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
