Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
