It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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