I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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