Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
