Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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