3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
