if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
