What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
