if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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