All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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